Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
