He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
