i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there was a trapeze. enough said
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
