Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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