Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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