I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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