Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
