White coat. Heels.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
