i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Terrible idea I love it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
