I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
