Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
