Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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