i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
