When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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