He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
