If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
