I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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