I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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