i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
