You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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