it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
