so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
