That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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