community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
