Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
