i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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