the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
