you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
