I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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