My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
