just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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