I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
