I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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