now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No subtext here. People are naked.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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