just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
