i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I want to have your abortion
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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