dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
