First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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