I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
