in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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