You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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