Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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