Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
