I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my being single is dangerous.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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