The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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