I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
