i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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