May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
