Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
