Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
