Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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