Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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