how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
