He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
