every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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