I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
