So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
